H e a r t S o n s & H e a r t D a u g h t e r s of A l l e n G i n s b e r g

N a p a l m H e a l t h S p a : R e p o r t 2 0 1 4 : A r c h i v e s E d i t i o n

KEVIN HAYES

Invisible Presence

one routine day that at first seemed the same as all the others, we suddenly lost

control of the wheel & knew that we were headed for a crash, a million scenarios of

disaster flashing thru our minds through we had no exact anticipation of what the

outcome would be. . .time endured a temporary suspension as our imaginations suffered a

variety of possible apocalypses & we were baffled silent by the kaleidoscopic agony

leaping synapse to synapse igniting them all on fire as it progressed & built momentum

hurtling toward the inevitable fatality we found it impossible to avoid since the brakes

had failed so completely each & every attempt to pump them proved to be in vain. . .

when the crash came, it did not happen once & only once as we had expected, but instead

it echoed reverberating thru the years, a reverberation we cannot say for certain has even

ended yet. . .we have learned to take each apocalypse in stride, the latest manifestation of

catastrophe long since become familiar, achieving a sense of peace we never dreamed we

would achieve, in part because we found every apocalypse countered by the resurrection

we desired, the gates of heaven unlocked to remain open forever allowing the ones gone

to return & to exist, the invisible presence right by our side until we become merged into

the invisible presence ourselves. . .

II.

we perceive all as lost, but in the end we are graced to find nothing is gone, a trick

of the eyes that baffles us until the light changes to become more luminous than it has

been before. . .once the light ascends to the pinnacle of incandescence, it becomes clear

that those we thought dead have only slipped free beyond their cages of flesh & bone, not

gone at all but with us as liberated souls who can only be seen when the light intensifies

to the degree of radiance necessary to render their apotheosis apparent. . .once radiance

comes to illuminate all that is, the reunion that has always been even while it remained

unacknowledged is at last recognized by the naked eye & the naked consciousness, a

recognition that allows its celebration to begin at last, a celebration that will last forever

crowning us all in ecstasy. . .

III.

once we had been haunted by wounds of loss that seemed impossible to heal, no

matter what quest we mounted since no artifact on earth possessed the miracle power

necessary to bring about the cure we desired to know, the cure that would not only end

the pain but obliterate the memories that had caused our pain to begin with. . .we

nevertheless rode without hope that our adventure would do us any good whatsoever rode

only so we could say that we were doing something to alleviate our suffering wanting to

protect ourselves against the accusation that we had surrendered ourselves to the pit of

deep despair, rode without faith that our effort would change the bleak condition that had

enmeshed us. . .even though we rode without faith, grace brought us to faith as we rode, a

faith that was not rooted in any artifact we found along the path we traveled but rather in

the dreams that came to us when we slept at night exhausted by the journey we had

forced ourselves to take even though we were convinced the journey had no point. . .our

dreams were all one & the same, evidence that they were not idle but rather a joint vision,

a revelation that showed us those we thought forever gone were not only still with us but

wed to us close in eternal celebration, a celebration that continued even after we woke up,

a celebration we knew that we had found to engage ourselves in forever & ever. . .