H
e a r t S o n s & H e a r t D a u g h t e r s of A l l e n G i n s
b e r g
N
a p a l m H e a l t h S p a : R e p o r t 2 0 1 4 : A r c h i
v e s E d i t i o n
KEVIN HAYES
Invisible Presence
I.
one routine day that at first seemed the same as all the
others, we suddenly lost
control of the wheel & knew that we were
headed for a crash, a million scenarios of
disaster flashing thru our minds through we had
no exact anticipation of what the
outcome would be. . .time endured a temporary
suspension as our imaginations suffered a
variety of possible apocalypses & we were
baffled silent by the kaleidoscopic agony
leaping synapse to synapse igniting them all on
fire as it progressed & built momentum
hurtling toward the inevitable fatality we found
it impossible to avoid since the brakes
had failed so completely each & every attempt to pump them
proved to be in vain. . .
when the crash came, it did not happen once & only once as
we had expected, but instead
it echoed reverberating thru the years, a reverberation we
cannot say for certain has even
ended yet. . .we have learned to take each
apocalypse in stride, the latest manifestation of
catastrophe long since become familiar, achieving a
sense of peace we never dreamed we
would achieve, in part because we found every
apocalypse countered by the resurrection
we desired, the gates of heaven unlocked to remain open
forever allowing the ones gone
to return & to exist, the invisible presence right by our
side until we become merged into
the invisible presence ourselves. . .
II.
we perceive all as lost, but in the end we are graced to find
nothing is gone, a trick
of the eyes that baffles us until the light changes to become
more luminous than it has
been before. . .once the light ascends to the pinnacle of
incandescence, it becomes clear
that those we thought dead have only slipped free beyond their
cages of flesh & bone, not
gone at all but with us as liberated souls who can only be seen
when the light intensifies
to the degree of radiance necessary to render their apotheosis
apparent. . .once radiance
comes to illuminate all that is, the reunion
that has always been even while it remained
unacknowledged is at last recognized by the naked eye
& the naked consciousness, a
recognition that allows its celebration to begin at
last, a celebration that will last forever
crowning us all in ecstasy. . .
III.
once we had been haunted by wounds of loss that seemed
impossible to heal, no
matter what quest we mounted since no artifact
on earth possessed the miracle power
necessary to bring about the cure we desired to
know, the cure that would not only end
the pain but obliterate the memories that had caused our pain
to begin with. . .we
nevertheless rode without hope that our adventure
would do us any good whatsoever rode
only so we could say that we were doing something to alleviate
our suffering wanting to
protect ourselves against the accusation that we
had surrendered ourselves to the pit of
deep despair, rode without faith that our effort would change
the bleak condition that had
enmeshed us. . .even though we rode without
faith, grace brought us to faith as we rode, a
faith that was not rooted in any artifact we
found along the path we traveled but rather in
the dreams that came to us when we slept at night exhausted by
the journey we had
forced ourselves to take even though we were
convinced the journey had no point. . .our
dreams were all one & the same, evidence
that they were not idle but rather a joint vision,
a revelation that showed us those we thought forever gone
were not only still with us but
wed to us close in eternal celebration, a celebration that
continued even after we woke up,
a celebration we knew that we had found to engage ourselves
in forever & ever. . .
[Originally published in NHS 2009,
http://www.poetspath.com/napalm/nhs09/Kevin_Hayes.htm.]