H e a r t S o n s & H e a r t D a u g h t e r s of A l l e n G i n s b e r g

N a p a l m H e a l t h S p a : R e p o r t 2 0 1 4 : A r c h i v e s E d i t i o n

ANTLER

Too Bad Good Thing

Good thing farts aren’t hurricanes.

Good thing cocks don’t spurt turds.

Too bad toe-jam isn’t blueberry jam.

Too bad our ear-wax isn’t honey.

Too bad our shit isn’t gold.

Good thing we don’t shit out our nose.

Good thing our turds aren’t alive and follow us

like dogs watching us eat begging for scraps.

Good thing our turds don’t shit turds which follow them

wanting to play with them like younger boys older boys.

Good thing farts don’t believe in life after death.

Too bad we don’t grow younger after 40

so when we die at 80 we’re 10 years old.

Too bad we don’t have 8 arms like octopi

so we could jack off 8 boys at once.

Too bad men can’t taste their boyhood come anymore.

Good thing we don’t shit out our mouths (or do we?).

Good thing we don’t have cocks where our ears are

ears where our eyes are eyes where our balls are

balls where our knees are

knees where our nipples are.

Good thing we don’t have our noses where our assholes are.

Good thing we don’t shit out our ears (or do we?)

Good thing mosquitoes aren’t big as blimps.

Too bad sharks aren’t the size of mosquitoes.

Too bad girls can’t place their vaginas in treetrunks

and hide and watch cute boys discover them and fuck them.

Too bad boys can’t place their cocks and balls and assholes

on moss-covered nurse-logs and hide and watch

cute girls discover them and suck and fingerfuck them.

Too bad Buddha and Christ said nothing about cunnilingus.

Too bad Mohammed said nothing about analingus.

Good thing volcanoes don’t erupt maggots.

Good thing clouds don’t erupt maggots.

Good thing waterfalls don’t gush maggots.

Good thing we don’t like pus on our popcorn.

Good thing we don’t like blood from human sacrifice

on our popcorn.

Too bad our brains aren’t interchangeable.

Too bad our cocks aren’t interchangeable.

Too bad our cunts aren’t interchangeeable.

Too bad money doesn’t grow on trees (or does it?).

Too bad it’s not legal to counterfeit money.

Too bad unemployed workers can’t get jobs

counterfeiting money.

Good thing our tears aren’t turds.

Good thing our intestines are on the inside.

Good thing corpses enrich the soil.

Good thing youths exist whose vision of love is so great

beside it all the bombs in the world are duds.

Good thing an atlas of our galaxy

that devotes one page per solar system

would run 10 million volumes 10,000 pages each

and to flip through it a page per second

would take 10,000 years.

[Originally published in NHS 1997, http://www.poetspath.com/napalm/nhs97/index.html#41.]