H e a r t S o n s & H e a r t D a u g h t e r s of A l l e n G i n s b e r g
N a p a l m H e a l t h S p a : R e p o r t 2 0 1 4 : A r c h i v e s E d i t i o n
Too Bad Good Thing
Good thing farts aren’t hurricanes.
Good thing cocks don’t spurt turds.
Too bad toe-jam isn’t blueberry jam.
Too bad our ear-wax isn’t honey.
Too bad our shit isn’t gold.
Good thing we don’t shit out our nose.
Good thing our turds aren’t alive and follow us
like dogs watching us eat begging for scraps.
Good thing our turds don’t shit turds which follow them
wanting to play with them like younger boys older boys.
Good thing farts don’t believe in life after death.
Too bad we don’t grow younger after 40
so when we die at 80 we’re 10 years old.
Too bad we don’t have 8 arms like octopi
so we could jack off 8 boys at once.
Too bad men can’t taste their boyhood come anymore.
Good thing we don’t shit out our mouths (or do we?).
Good thing we don’t have cocks where our ears are
ears where our eyes are eyes where our balls are
balls where our knees are
knees where our nipples are.
Good thing we don’t have our noses where our assholes are.
Good thing we don’t shit out our ears (or do we?)
Good thing mosquitoes aren’t big as blimps.
Too bad sharks aren’t the size of mosquitoes.
Too bad girls can’t place their vaginas in treetrunks
and hide and watch cute boys discover them and fuck them.
Too bad boys can’t place their cocks and balls and assholes
on moss-covered nurse-logs and hide and watch
cute girls discover them and suck and fingerfuck them.
Too bad Buddha and Christ said nothing about cunnilingus.
Too bad Mohammed said nothing about analingus.
Good thing volcanoes don’t erupt maggots.
Good thing clouds don’t erupt maggots.
Good thing waterfalls don’t gush maggots.
Good thing we don’t like pus on our popcorn.
Good thing we don’t like blood from human sacrifice
on our popcorn.
Too bad our brains aren’t interchangeable.
Too bad our cocks aren’t interchangeable.
Too bad our cunts aren’t interchangeeable.
Too bad money doesn’t grow on trees (or does it?).
Too bad it’s not legal to counterfeit money.
Too bad unemployed workers can’t get jobs
Good thing our tears aren’t turds.
Good thing our intestines are on the inside.
Good thing corpses enrich the soil.
Good thing youths exist whose vision of love is so great
beside it all the bombs in the world are duds.
Good thing an atlas of our galaxy
that devotes one page per solar system
would run 10 million volumes 10,000 pages each
and to flip through it a page per second
would take 10,000 years.
[Originally published in NHS 1997, http://www.poetspath.com/napalm/nhs97/index.html#41.]