N a p a l m H e a l t h S p a : R e p o r t 2 0 1 1
Fool the Bears
One way to protect your camp from bears
is to take the piss bottle you keep in the tent to piss in
so you don’t catch a chill going outside
in below-freezing temps
and empty it each day on trees nearby
so that eventually your tent is surrounded by
a circle of your urine—but when you pour it on the trees
pour it as high as you can reach
while walking in a circle around the tree so the tree
is circled with your piss scent from 8 feet up
to where the trunk goes into the ground. Why?
That way the bear will think the creature that pissed
must have a penis over 8 feet off the ground
and depart post-haste thinking a monster lives there.