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Watching Rodan monster movie called Ray-don in Japanese, high school friend

Richard's laser disk no subtitles

Now I'm nearly 50, he's 52

Back from the hospital where my mother called me Jack called Richard Jack, we were morphing into an old business partner of my dead father the hospital morphed into her condo "let's go into the front room" she said, earlier asking my sister "have you ever had a cadaver inserted in you?" she meant catheter

or maybe not

-       next day she said "Hello Marc-o" lucid again, a relief I went to the tattoo parlor in Venice, I wanted a red samurai crest, remembering my mother's ass, flank, her fur where the catheter was indeed inserted, flashing all this as she flipped in the bed, how young for 83 in those brief flashes the Asian girly pictures that decorated Richard's computer room flickering recent memory, her legs just as hairless, Native American blood (though elbow skin waxy, toes flaking)

first time I saw that patch I was afraid of it a tarantula later seen through night gown sexy & evil now strangely charming even with yellow urine tube same where I came though a different hole same hospital where Richard was born though I was born 3000 miles from her from here the island called Long in New York

I wanted a warrior's tattoo, soon an orphan soon alone but Tabu Tattoo couldn't see me for an hour and a half — I had a plane to catch - Richard's eyes said "get it when you come back for the funeral" — "What a thought!" I told him, but it was a good idea


Now into the dusk sky I am Ray-don the noble flying monster orange-lit ocean sunlight winking on car roofs below I thought were beach bonfires

I'll probably never see her again my lama will do a ceremony at her death but at least she said "Marc-o" and she held up her hand & said "Peace" the rainbow curtain around her bed peeled back, rainbow body waiting


8/24/03 Los Angeles









Today I realized the teenage girl

striking in black scarf

was probably getting chemo

so much like my baby sister

dead 23 years

yet I choked back tears

heart's bright wound

still burning



I buy childhood comics on line

GORGO the giant lizard

KONGA the giant ape

read when I was 7 -

my mother now slips away no memory of me at all



I bought FAMOUS MONSTERS also read pre-teen

& now I'll be 50

Actors that I grew up watching

die all the time

I bought DIARY OF A MADMAN cheap Vincent Price tape my actor dad has big scene with him — movie not even on DVD, companion to my TWILIGHT ZONE "To Serve Man" father scientist, TOUCH OF MINK where exasperated Dad has a scene with Cary Grant — my Dad Price Grant all dust — will I lose my mind on hospital death bed dream I'm reading GORGO with eyes open? at least without non-virtue & when the faulty body falls away Big Mind returns but for us left behind death is cruelest what it steals in pieces










It took 2 visits - red samurai crest then the Japanese kanji -

my mother died between them

& when that tattoo was finally down



looked in the mirror & saw

a crazed 'Nam vet

a Navy S.E.A.L. lunatic who wore the ears of his enemies —

fit my mood

for her grave -

on me

'til mine







Near the Chinese woman w/ "my best lover" plaque

my mother is interred

the velvet curtain splashed w/ holy water

pulled back to show 6 shelves, 5 filled, one waiting

for the brown cardboard box

mom's ashes —

The Latino in orange hard hat


lifts it in,

caulks the plastic square cover in place,

screws on the marble panel

without Catholic ceremony -

Suzi my wife, Richard old friend,

we stayed behind and did Tibetan Chöd,

the offering of self as feast,

I saw a spirit,

then the mental patient stepson

& nutty friend in yarmulke also drawn back -

In the car we listened to more Marilyn Manson

& went to lunch

passing a street named Gothic

& movie poster bus stop

"Tomb w/ A View"