N  a  p  a  l  m      H  e  a  l  t  h      S  p  a         R  e  p  o  r  t     2  0  0  3



Reports to an Old Pothead


Well, Sam, down here in Gotham City we had several terrorist attacks.  &

the warning was only Orange.  First, 20 inches of  ice cold anthrax fell

from the sky - the perps escaped detection by hiding in the clouds.  I

know it was anthrax because within days I was bedridden with serious

sinus congestion, body aches, terrible coughing - mucus everywhere!

Survived through the grace of God, duct-taped windows & a quart of

Nightquil strengthened with Jack Daniels.  Only a few days later a

missile blew up a barge in Arthur Kill while it was off-loading a million

gallons of gasoline in what was obviously an assault on our right to

drive Hummers.  Too bad that the criminals had no more missiles to blow

newscopters from CBS, NBC, ABC, CBS radio & all the rest of our ultra

liberal media from the skies - these traitors kept insisting that it

was an industrial “accident” & that traffic was moving normally on

Goethals Bridge, but they would not SHOW US the bridge & I have every

reason to believe the bridge is no longer there.  The warning color has

been lowered to TEAL but that is just to give Home Depot time to restock

tape, batteries & Coleman camp stoves.


You're too near Canada, Sam.  Watch yer ass.





All during the war (which, of course, is not over), we were getting

stories of missiles loaded with anthrax, “finds” of mustard gas &

mysterious barrels of “chemicals.”  These, added to typical wartime

fabrications about the rape &/or execution of  American P.O.W.s.  All of

these “news” reports disappeared without a trace within 24 hours.  & they

were coming out of American , not British, press.  British “embedded”

reporters were delivering some very honest, graphic combat writing,


On a positive note:  The Dixie Chicks (I'm discovering that I like them)

are selling more albums than ever,  They were riding high on the

Billboard country & pop charts last week.  Their concerts are still

selling out.  So the Southern country stations that continue to “boycott”

the Chicks are just making them richer.  Tho slickly produced, the

Chicks' musical style derives from the same harmony mountain tradition

made popular so long ago by the Carter Family.  The notoriously “liberal”

Dolly Parton comes from it. It isn't Cotton Country music.  I think

Nashville has always been a little afraid of it.  Not Asheville, tho.