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THE IDIOT NEWS (online
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SUBJECT: RE: IDIOT
NEWS FEB 15, 2001
YOSSARIAN JOINS BUSH TEAM Almost exactly a month ago, Treasury Secretary Paul Yossarian O'Neill gave weight to the tax cut proposal because it might not hurt the economy!!! "I'm not going to make a huge case that this is the investment we need to make sure we don't go into a recession," Mr. O'Neill boldly stated. But that was BEFORE it became evident that January sales were much STRONGER than predicted a few weeks ago. So yesterday when asked if the economy is in a recession, Alan Greenspan had to admit that..."at the moment, we are not." He went on to add that a tax cut would not affect the recession we are not going into. Deeply influenced by this positive turn of events, Yossarian O'Neill responded that in order to not come out of the recession that we might not be going into, we need a tax cut immediately! "Quicker is better," he told Congress. "Cutting tax rates can help keep this downturn [that is not happening] from taking root," said Yossarian while Greenspan explained in the next room, "It is most unlikely that...any tax cut can be enacted sufficiently quickly to alter the probability of whether we will...find ourselves in a recession." President Deer Caught in Headlights, who has held no press conferences since taking office, will answer any questions that may have been raised by these discussions in his next press conference, which has not
been scheduled. SUBJECT: RE: IDIOT
NEWS: MON, 19 FEB 2001 15:03:06 -0600
Sunday BUSH REVIEWS ECONOMIC FORECASTS OF DADDY'S ADMINISTRATION The startling precision accuracy of economic forecasts from 10 years ago has all but ensured a $1.6 Trillion tax cut based on economic forecasts of the next 10 years. "I mean, what can happen in 10 years?" asked the President. "Not long ago, I was a drug addict," he added. "Don't they have any hot sauce here in Canada?" he whispered at a luncheon in the White House. Monday SHARON SUSPENDS PEACE TALKS UNTIL PEACE VERIFIED Extremist Groups Mortified: Hopes for Continued Struggle Dashed by Offer. Intifada leaders and their soldiers began looking for regular jobs with the stark realization that as soon as everyone stops fighting there will be peace. Hammas in a related event suggested that Sharon conduct a 2nd invasion of Lebanon. Tuesday CHILDREN THROW RUBBER COATED ROCKS AT ISRAELI SOLDIERS Sharon Breaks off Talks Wednesday SHARON PROMISES TALKS IF PALESTINE ALLOWS ABOVE GROUND NUCLEAR TESTING Fast moving developments have caught everyone by surprise here when Prime Minister Sharon, using both a carrot and a stick, offered "total peace" to the Palestinian people if they would allow nuclear testing in the West Bank and Gaza. |